This is highly recommended, a series where I provide a compelling argument for why you should like something that I like.

Dear Reader,

I don’t know what’s happening to me. As recently as two years ago, I was able to consume 12 toasted ravioli, a basket of fries, a few slices of pizza and two and a half pitchers of beer in one sitting. (While living in the midwest, this was an incredibly affordable dinner.) Not only was I able to consume this in one sitting, I would go bowling (and drink more cheap beer) immediately afterwards.

But I’ve aged. And my body has become a cage constructed to keep me from having fun ever again. I have finally transformed into the age old adage – I have become the garbage I eat.

So I’ve stopped eating garbage, for the most part. And I feel a lot better because of it. It’s much more physically pleasing to be a bowl full of lean protein and fresh vegetables. But I can’t do that all the time. (A life with the absence of indulgence is a life I refuse to lead.) So every now and then, I plop on the bar stool and order something that makes my heart swell, in both ways.

I highly recommend tater tots (plain).

Why?

Salty

I’ve previously opined on my preferences for salty snacks. And while some things about me have recently changed (I think my vision prescription is a little off?), my preference for food of the savory variety has not. The level of salt contained in a single tater tot is exactly what I need after months (who am I kidding, days (if not hours)) away from eating anything that isn’t good for you. Yes, salt is in just about every kind of food (even the healthy ones), but nothing injects salt directly into your veins like a deep fried potato pellet.

Bite-Sized

Listen – it’s not like I’m not willing to put in some hard work. But the circumstances have to be right. And the circumstances are almost never right when it comes to eating food that is bad for me. If I’m indulging, I really want to indulge – minimal chewing, forking or general effort should go into consuming my food. That means it’s necessary to have something I can pop in my mouth in one incredibly graceful motion. (Graceful is probably not a word that’s usually associated with tater tots, but I’m working hard to change the public perception. And by working hard, I mean I’m writing a blog. I’m using my talents for good!)

A Nice Change Of Pace

(Before I dive into this point of my argument, let’s clarify something. Tater tots can be consumed both as a standalone appetizer or as a side dish to a larger entree, like a sandwich. I probably could have made “versatile” a point in my argument, but I’ve got more important things to say.) No matter where you go to consume food that’s bad for you, your app and side options are pretty standard: french fries, onion rings, maybe some chips (big fan of the “homemade” variety), etc. Tater tots aren’t always available. But that’s what gives them an advantage – if tots were readily available at every restaurant, I’d probably get tired of them. Instead, tots are a treat.

Delicious With Or Without Condiments

If a food item needs to be dipped or covered in something for it to taste good, it’s not a good food item. But if applying condiments helps that food item taste better, I’m all for it. Tater tots don’t need ketchup, but a little bit makes a great thing even greater. (I’m generally not a huge condiment fan, but I understand why they’re necessary and will never keep anybody from indulging in them.) And for those you asking, when I say “tater tots (plain)”, I don’t mean sans condiments. I mean that I don’t want any of that “LoAdEd ToTs” bullshit. Too much going on for sensitive taste buds.

Easy On The Eyes

You could argue that most delicious food looks delicious. But there’s a difference between being a visual feast and being visually pleasing. Some of the most exciting and engaging pieces of visual art can be tough to stare at. When I’m eating something that’s bad for me, that’s not what I want. I refuse to be challenged. I want visual comfort food. And tater tots, with the golden brown and slightly textured exterior, piled in a heap on top of wax paper in one of those red plastic wicker baskets, are visual comfort food.

There’s got to be one thing you don’t like about tater tots (plain).

Horrible For You

But at least I’m aware right? I’ve always believed that it’s worse to be in denial than to indulge in a vice.

There’s nothing wrong with doing things that make you feel good. (Ok, there can be a lot wrong with doing things that make you feel good, especially if the things that make you feel good are things that make other people not feel good. Don’t do that. Don’t use highly recommended as an excuse to do horrible things. Do use highly recommended as an excuse to do good things, like consume more highly recommended content.) Which is why, every once in a while, I destroy an entire order of tater tots (plain) by myself.

Does that make me feel horrible for the next two and a half weeks? Of course. But do I care? (That’s not meant to be a general comment about how my general lack of enthusiasm for most things. Don’t interpret it that way.) What do you think?

I’m my own man. My own filled with enough grease to wonder if I can survive the next ten minutes man.

love,

nicholas