This is highly recommended, a series where I provide a compelling argument for why you should like something that I like.

Dear Reader,

I like having a plan. And I don’t need it to be one of those expertly thought out, 15 step plans that require a substantial amount of planning. A good plan can be a simple plan. (A good band can be Simple Plan.) And that’s not just because the most simple plans are the easiest ones to execute.

It’s because the more simple the plan, the less can go wrong. And there is absolutely nothing worse than having a plan go wrong. (I’ve only been truly angry a few times in my life. Most of those times are because plans have gone wrong when I really did not want them to go wrong.) But having a plan go so right can make you forget that something could ever go wrong.

Am I just writing the same sentence over and over again?

I highly recommend being clean and climbing into a bed outfitted with clean sheets.

Why?

(Let’s set some parameters for this thing before we really get started. When I talk about being clean, I mean that you have immediately taken a shower and preferably brushed your teeth. (You can take a bath if you want, but I’m not really a bath person.) When I talk about climbing into a bed outfitted with clean sheets, I mean that your sheets need to have been recently washed and not previously slept in. That fitted better be damn near untouched.)

Putting Two Things Together To Make A Great Thing

This is simple math, folks. You’ve got one thing: being clean. And then you’ve got another thing: climbing into a bed outfitted with clean sheets. When you put both of those things together, you don’t just have two things. You’ve got one great thing. (Full disclosure: I’ve only received three C’s in my entire academic career, two of them were in math classes, the other in Intro to Journalism. Your transcript says more about you than you think.)

Good Nights Sleep

I’m usually a pretty heavy sleeper. But that doesn’t mean I have the best sleep of my life every night. (Do people ever volunteer when they slept really well the night before? We never celebrate the positive. But I can’t claim to be a person who doesn’t complain. I recommend complaining, especially about things that don’t really matter.) Sometimes I’m too hot. (I’m usually too hot.) But clean times two creates exceptional sleeping conditions. No matter what the next morning holds, the quality of my zzzzzzzz’s will be high.

Refreshing

I used to think just taking a shower was the only thing that could truly refresh me. I was an idiot. (I’m not sure if you’ve picked up on this by now, but I’m an idiot the majority of the time. When you’re an idiot like me, it’s hard to figure out what’s really refreshing. It’s hard to figure out a lot of things. But my inability to tell what is refreshing is definitely the most detrimental to my social and professional life.) But don’t get me wrong – I’m still an idiot. I’m just an idiot that’s willing to admit he was wrong about what is truly refreshing.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

(You know what I mean.)

A Sense of Accomplishment

I do a lot of things. And I get a lot of things done. But completing even the smallest tasks still makes me feel pretty good about myself. (I usually reward myself for completing even the smallest tasks with things ranging from disgusting food to jawnz that are out of my price range. Everyone stays motivated in different ways.) Completing two very adult tasks make me feel like I’m succeeding the way I thought I would be succeeding when I was a child. In fact, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said “a clean man in a clean bed” with a sense of smug satisfaction that confused parents and teachers alike. But the joke’s on them – I have become the only thing I’ve ever wanted to be.

There’s got to be one thing you don’t like about being clean and climbing into a bed outfitted with clean sheets.

Requires A Decent Amount Of Effort

Yeah, I know – I just talked about the joys of labor. But the joys of labor don’t compare to the joys of leisure. My ultimate goal? Get someone to both clean my sheets and clean my body so that all I have to do is go to sleep. What a life.

My original plan was to come up with a better way to end this blog post. But plans change. You have to improvise. Adapt. Figure out a way to move on. In doing so, I just encountered more questions. If I wrote a blog that was just the same sentence over and over again, would anybody even notice? Would I notice?

If I wrote a blog that was just the same sentence over and over again, would anybody even notice? Would I notice?

love,

nicholas