This is highly recommended, a series where I provide a compelling argument for why you should like something that I like.

Dear Reader,

I wouldn’t call myself the King of Self Care. I don’t practice acupuncture. I don’t regularly attend a massage parlor. And as much as I would like to, the number of recent mani-pedis I’ve had can be counted on one disgusting hand. My version of self care involves using enough substances to shut my brain off for an extended period of time and then spending all of the next day complaining about how horrible I feel.

Speaking of feelings, my preferred way to deal with them has been well documented on this blog. And while I suggest buying anything (and anything at all) anytime you feel anything, there’s one purchase that really hits the spot.

I highly recommended buying new socks.

Why?

Appropriate Valued

Living in New York City, the majority of things I purchase cost a lot more than they’re worth. And I’m ok with that! (I’m a big city boy with a big city blog salary.) But socks (Let’s just stop and clarify something here: when I’m talking about “socks”, I’m talking about solid color, mid-calf length socks. Get the fuck out of here with all of that “fun sock” bullshit. I will never wear a pair of “fun socks”. And if you want to keep reading this blog, you shouldn’t be wearing “fun socks” either.) are usually reasonably priced, no matter where I choose to buy them. But more than reasonably priced, they’re usually priced what I think they’re worth. And my value system is obviously the one that matters most.

Engaging With Capitalism

Listen, it’s not like I love capitalism. (But it ain’t the worst. I wouldn’t have the disposable income to waste my time writing shit that no one reads without out.) It’s more like I don’t enjoy feeling left out. If I’m one of those people that refuses to buy things because it contributes to the oppression of those less fortunate than I, I’ll miss out on being like everybody else by purchasing whatever I want whenever I want. And that’s ultimately what I care about more.

Feeling Fresh

You ever just feel good? Like everything is working and fits and is clean and new and life in general really can’t get any better? There are only two things that can make me feel that way: listening to this song and wearing a new pair of socks for the first time.

Not Having To Do Laundry As Often

In the grand hierarchy of household chores, laundry really isn’t even that bad. (Informal ranking, from worst to best: cleaning the shower, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, doing the dishes.) And it’s not even like I do most of the hard work myself. (Big shout out to the fine folks at Franklin Express Laundry Center, who haven’t yet lost an article of clothing I’ve dropped off to be cleaned, which means I’ll cut them a little bit of slack when they inevitably lose something.) But more socks means more clean socks which means less dirty socks which means less laundry. That’s some bad grammar and some good logic. (Loyal highly recommended readers have come to expect both.)

Having Something New

There’s a certain charm to things that you’ve had for a while. You know them; they know you. You’re comfortable with each other. But the minute something new comes along, I’m fucking done with comfortable. New is so nice. New is too nice. And nothing is nicer than new socks. As soon as I get enough money to do so, I’ll buy enough socks that I can wear a brand new pair every single fucking day. If that means I don’t have money to pay rent or feed myself, so be it. Even if I starve to death while homeless, I’ll have new socks. And that’s what life is really about.

There’s got to be one thing you don’t like about buying new socks.

Gateway Purchase

It takes just one new pack of socks to put me in the Purchase Mood. And when I’m in the Purchase Mood, all bets are off. Will I buy an $80 hemp t-shirt? (Yes, and then yes again.) Will I buy a $200 pair of sneakers that I’ll only wear three times? (Yes.) Did all of these questionable purchases happen after I purchased some brand new socks. (You should be sensing a trend here, and not just the trend that I use parentheticals more often than I should be.) (I won’t stop, by the way.)

A colleague recently recommended that I engage in more acts of self care, if only because I’ve been hard at work doing my non-blogging job. But after I told them that most of my stress could be attributed to a self-imposed crippling fear that my blog (and other semi-artistic, online bits) would never amount to anything important, they told me that I didn’t really deserve any self care.

They’re probably right. I’m going to buy a new fleece instead. (And then that colleague will be jealous.)

love,

nicholas