This is highly recommended, a series where I provide a compelling argument for why you should like something that I like.

Dear Reader,

I see my family almost every holiday season. But when I say family, I mean my father, my mother and my sister. We have more than that, but we hardly ever seen them. This holiday, however, was a special occasion: we happened to be in Florida, which is where my uncle and his wife and two kids reside. That means we had to see them for the first time in what seemed like a decade. (It was probably less than a decade, but I have no real concept or time nor a decent memory, so who the fuck knows.)

Part of seeing your family is talking about things you haven’t talked about in years. Another part of seeing your family is drinking too much to overcome the awkwardness with having to talk with someone you aren’t necessarily close with. It’s a perfect recipe for (a good) disaster.

I highly recommend getting too drunk around your extended family and making factually incorrect arguments in favor of universal healthcare.

Why?

Encouragement From Your Sister

“Will you please stop? Why are you doing this? No one asked you to bring this up. I thought we were having a good time. No one wants to talk about this right now, especially not me and your cousins you haven’t seen in years who are all enjoying the hot tub. Why aren’t in the hot tub? Are you too drunk to get in the hot tub? Will you please stop talking about this?”

Support From Your Father

“I told you not to bring up any of this liberal stuff around your uncle. It’s your own funeral.”

Disdain From Your Cousin

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re only saying this stuff because you live in New York and they brainwashed you. I’m never going to New York.”

Praise From Your Uncle
(In full transparency, I had too much bourbon to remember anything that he said to me on Christmas Eve.)

Concern From Your Mother

“Why did you drink this much? Are you OK? Are you still struggling with getting dumped six months ago? Are you drinking this much because you don’t understand how to deal with rejection? Can I buy you something you don’t really need to help you deal with this rejection in a way that doesn’t involve self-medicating? I told you not to bring this up around this part of the family, but when is the last time you listened to a piece of my advice?”

There’s got to be one thing you don’t like about getting too drunk around your extended family and making factually incorrect arguments in favor of universal healthcare.

Throwing Up In The Bathroom Of Your Family’s Rental House

It’s not the throwing up that’s the problem – it’s the not knowing where any of the cleaning supplies are.

Happy holidays to all of my loyal readers. (Your present is me remember to post while on vacation.) Remember to drink some water.

love,

nicholas