This is highly recommended, a series where I provide a compelling argument for why you should like something that I like.

Dear Reader,

I’m constantly taking risks. But not because I’m a risk taker. (Remember when we were all younger and used to do shit like climbing trees? I’ve never climbed a tree. Too terrified of both heights and doing something I’m not supposed to be doing.) Most of my risks involve me doing something selfish, something stupid or something both selfish and stupid.

You might think that this level of self-reflection keeps me from continuing to take these kinds of risks. But if that’s what you think, you obviously haven’t been reading enough of my blogs. (Or you haven’t had the pleasure of engaging in an IRL relationship with me. Smart move!) Even though I’m aware of the past, I am forever doomed to repeat it. And that’s something I’m ok with.

I highly recommend not having a phone case.

Why?

The Ability To Truly Appreciate The Design Of The Phone

I’m not one of those Apple fanboys. Yes, my suite of connected devices is full of nothing but Apple products. But I’m not going to stand in line for any drop, especially an Apple one. Regardless, their shit looks better than anything else. So sleek. So smooth. So coldly futuristic and easily accessible at the same time. Even if you put the slimmest of phone cases on iPhones one through X, you’re ruining your ability to truly appreciate what spent hundreds of hours to create. Is it the most structurally solid design? Of course not. But that’s just a big whatever.

Takes Up Less Space In My Pocket

While I’ve recently embraced the trend of wearing jeans that aren’t skin tight, my pockets can’t hold everything that I would want them to hold. (Yes, I understand that this would be a good reason to have a bag, but it’s a total pain in the ass to hold other stuff in your hands (like a drink, the subway railing, a hand (LOL that’s not happening because of the whole making risky decisions related to relationships)) when you have to use your hands to hold a bag. Not highly recommended.) Adding a phone case takes up space I’d rather reserve for much more important things that I’d rather not detail here but that serve a more practical purpose than protecting my iPhone 7 Plus.

Signifies That I’m A Free Thinking Individual

I am my own man. And if I want to make a bad decision without considering the consequences (which I do all the time, stop reminding me), I’m allowed to do it. I don’t bow to the pressures of society. I don’t kneel to the altar of reason. I only worship the God of pure idiocy.

Saves Money For When My Phone Breaks

Scams abound in our post-capitalist society. (No, I don’t know what post-capitalist really means.) Phone cases are not an exception – they cost a hell of a lot more money than they should. And since my phone is eventually going to break because I don’t keep a case on it (I am very self-aware), I’ll be able to use the money I didn’t use on a phone case for inevitable screen repair. Because of my AppleCare subscription, there isn’t much of a price differential. (I don’t know if you caught on to this earlier, but I’m an incredibly intelligent guy. Dedicated highly recommended readers already know this and probably didn’t need this unnecessary parenthetical, but I’m also a fan of the unnecessary parenthetical. (Did you see the unnecessary triple parenthetical earlier?) Dedicated highly recommended readers already know this.)

Supports A Bad Boy Image

I don’t own a leather jacket or a motorcycle. And I don’t plan on buying either anytime soon. So maintaining my well-established bad boy image requires making other types of purchase decisions that let people know I (clap emoji) don’t (clap emoji) give (clap emoji) a (clap emoji) shit (clap emoji). Also, I’ve read a lot of blogs. And I’ve discovered that the best blogs are written by bad boys. So while it might not be the best personal decision to engage in a lot of poor decisions, it’s the only way to help my career take off. I’m committed.

There’s got to be one thing you don’t like about not having a phone case.

My Phone Is Not Protected And Will Most Likely Break

Did I say “most likely break”? Because the screen on my iPhone 7 Plus has most definitely already broken in the time that I haven’t owned a phone case. And when it broke, people most definitely gave me shit for not having a phone case. And I most definitely deserved it. But who’s to say that the lack of phone case that was the reason my phone broke? Why can’t we blame the sidewalk that I dropped it on? Why can’t we blame the weather outside for making my hand so slippery? Why can’t we blame the federal government for not taking any substantive actions to curtail the effects of global warming? In the case of my broken phone screen, I think we’ll all (except for me) to blame.

If history truly repeats itself (I think it does), then it’s very likely that not a single reader has made it this close to the end of this blog post. But that isn’t going to stop me from continuing to build the archive of things that I highly recommend.

Because if there’s one thing that history needs more of, it’s Bad Boy Bloggers™ that consistently spew garbage into the already extremely polluted content ecosystem. I’m just happy to help.

love,

nicholas