This is highly recommended, a series where I provide a compelling argument for why you should like something that I like.

Dear Reader,

Anytime I notice some abnormality in my physical condition, the first thing I do is wait two weeks. It’s not because I’m particularly adept at ignoring pain or discomfort. It’s because going to the doctor is one of the worst possible ways to spend your time.

I don’t hold a grudge towards any doctor in particular. (Except for maybe the urgent care physician that improperly splinted my broken pinky sustained during a high school basketball game. He’s who I can thank for my permanently crooked little right finger.) It’s just that they’re in the business of telling you all of the problems that you have. And as much as I enjoy solving problems, I’d prefer they not be of the variety that relates to my mortality. (I promise this post isn’t going to be about death.)

But recently, I’ve ignored my two week rule because my current affliction doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. (It might not even really be an affliction?) But it has warranted adding a new piece of gear (gear!) to my daily collection.

I highly recommended reusable water bottles.

Why?

Consistent Hydration

I am so fucking thirsty all of the time and I don’t know why. Is it because I’m more predisposed to sweating, therefore losing fluids at a more rapid pace? Is it because I keep eating a bunch of salty snacks? It ultimately doesn’t matter because I won’t visit a medical professional to find out. What does matter is that my narrow-mouth Nalgene gives me 32oz of water whenever and wherever I need it. No matter the situation, I stay sippin’. (Is that a thing people say?)

Environmentally Friendly

I’m not much of a cause guy (you’ll notice a conspicuous lack of relevant social movements among the archives of highly recommended), but I do believe in not totally fucking up the only planet we have. I like living here! (For the most part.) And if I can do something that is beneficial and easy and cost effective for me that is also beneficial for the environment, I’ll do it. I like to have my water bottle and drink it, too.

Less Trash To Take Out

Taking the trash out falls into that perfectly annoying category of household chore. It’s not exactly difficult or time consuming, but it’s not exactly easy or efficient. It just sucks. That’s it – not a nightmare, not a walk in the park. Just pure, unadulterated suck. So when I can avoid filling up my trashcan, I’ll do it.

The Appearance Of Being Responsible

Listen, I would like to be responsible in all facets of my life. But sometimes it’s just easier to look responsible. And looking environmentally conscious is as easy as never drinking out of a disposable plastic water bottle. The added benefit is that I’m actually being responsible while looking responsible. You might as well go ahead and give me the Nobel Prize. Or are we not doing a Nobel Prize for combatting climate change because we’re all going to be underwater in 50 years? (Don’t worry about me – I’m a pretty good swimmer.)

Prepared For Disaster

Speaking of worst case scenarios, I’ll be just fine if I ever get stuck in an elevator or underground apocalypse bunker. Sure, I’ll have to stop guzzling water like I have an endless supply. But I think even a 75% full water bottle will last me a substantial amount of time. (2-3 hours.) I’ll outlive everyone, and all because I’m so smart. (Yes, you could probably convince me to give you some of my water, but I’m a very tough negotiator. I get paid quite a bit of money to write this blog.)

There’s got to be one thing you don’t like about reusable water bottles.

Having To Carry Around A Fucking Water Bottle

There are very few things I hate more than having to carry stuff around. (I’ll save them for my other blog things I really fucking hate.) And I’m talking anything – stuff in my hands, stuff in my pockets, stuff in a backpack or duffel or tote. I wish I could move through the world with absolutely nothing, content to use whatever’s available to me when I get where I’m going. But, as I’ve mentioned above, there are too many reasons to have a water bottle on hand. So I suck it up and carry it around. I also complain about it every chance I get.

I’m starting to wonder if being thirsty all of the time isn’t truly my biggest problem. (It might be my most detrimental physical problem, unless you count rapid hair loss.) Maybe my problem is my incessant need to be respected as a creative genius capable of creating across mediums.

But if that was the case, you’d think I’d do more than write a horribly formulaic blog every week. I Tweet sometimes. I’m hardly ever on the Gram. Maybe it’s time to take a content-oriented leap of faith.

It’s time to write a totally false memoir.

love,

nicholas