This is highly recommended, a series where I provide a compelling argument for why you should like something that I like. 

Dear Reader, 

If there’s one thing I truly miss, it’s living alone. I love my roommates (shoutout Al and Andrew), so it’s not about having to share space with people I hate. It’s about being the only person responsible for my space. 

If people visited a space that I’m responsible for, they’d have questions: Is the apartment furnished with meticulously designed antiques? Well I’m a man with exceptional taste. Have the floors not been vacuumed in over a month? Well I’m a very busy man with exceptional taste. No matter what’s going on, there’s no one to celebrate or blame but myself. But right now, I’m stuck in the world of shared spaces, except for one – my bedroom. 

I’m not going to claim to have exceptional interior decorating skills. I’ve framed a few things and placed them on the wall in a way that doesn’t look like absolute shit. But there’s one recent addition to my space that’s both cemented me as a True Millennial™ and breathed new life into an intimate space. 

I highly recommend fake plants. 

Why? 

They’re OK With My Lack Of Care 

I know what you’re thinking – me appreciating that fake plants don’t need a high level of care makes me look like the kind of guy that isn’t willing to put a high level of care into anything. And that’s true! (Have you ever read this blog?) Fake plants are the definition of set it and forget it. The level of continued investment is so low that I sometimes forget I’ve even put them in my room in the first place. And that’s great – when I notice them again, I get a nice surprise. 

Make My Room More Interesting 

Even though it’s not clear why my room needs to be interesting, I still feel compelled to make it that way. Maybe it’s because of the off chance that someone interesting my happen to be in my room and I want them to know that I’m interesting? Maybe it’s because one day I hope to be interviewed by one of those fake looking lifestyle magazines that’s not really a magazine but just a website about my room and what makes it interesting? It’s probably because my room is one of the few things in my life that I can actually make more interesting with just a little bit of effort. I know fake plants can’t make my life more interesting – just the place where I spend around half of it. 

Provides The Illusion Of Decorating Skills 

I just never really got into “design”. But that’s probably more because of the people who love “design” and not the “design” itself. Because of my unwillingness to associate with those people (an issue that would have to be explored in a completely different blog post), I never really figured out the most aesthetically pleasing way to put a space together. Fake Plastic Trees do a lot of the hard work when it comes to making my room look “designed”. I do none of the hard work, ever. 

Usually More Interesting Than Artwork 

Artwork is played out. It’s also a lot more difficult to procure and display correctly. (My general life strategy of just “feeling it out” doesn’t mesh well with hanging things so that they sit straight.) A nice little nursery of fake plants is an easy way for me to say “I think about how things look and make a little bit of effort to make them look unique.” If you asked me what my operating principle for life is, it would be that.

Brings Only The Good Parts Of The Outside Inside 

There are lots of good things about the outdoors. But for every good thing, there are at least 4,000 bad things. Really, horrible, awful things. I don’t want those things inside while I’m inside. Fake plants bring the beauty of nature into my bedroom without dragging along all of the bullshit. 

There’s got to be one thing you don’t like about fake plants. 

Not Challenging Myself 

There’s no reason I couldn’t take care of a real plant. I hold down a steady job, I pay my student loans on time and I have a number of healthy habits and relationships. I’m even very adept at staying hydrated. Why shouldn’t I challenge myself to take care of another living thing? 

Because if I really cared about challenging myself, I would have challenged myself to make this blog a lot better a long time ago. Instead, I continue to write poorly into the abyss, hoping that someone will pay me to stop doing this. It’s the only way I’ll quit – to make someone feel so disgusted by my content that they pay me to cease creating it. 

What a way to go out! 

love, 

nicholas