This is highly recommended, a series where I provide a compelling argument for why you should like something that I like. 

Dear Reader, 

Like many children, I used to hate doing my chores. (Sorry Mom. I’m pretty sure you know this already, but I still feel compelled to apologize.) My normally even-keel demeanor would be replaced with an aggressively anti-work personality. I would do anything to get out of doing the one thing I really didn’t want to do, and not even because I really wanted to do something else. It was because I didn’t want to do anything. 

I was ahead of my time on this relaxation thing. Now that I’m older, more and more of my peers are coming around to the benefits of doing nothing. But for some reason, I’m changing – I now enjoy doing things. And one of those things I enjoy doing is something I previously worked so hard to avoid. 

I highly recommend doing this dishes. 

Why? 

Having A Clean Kitchen 

This is not necessarily about keeping things hygienic. (Although I definitely do not want bugs in my kitchen. Bugs will never be highly recommended.) It’s more about the general peace of mind that comes with having everything in its right place. Because when everything is in its right place, it’s much easier to consider cooking, which is preferable to going broke by eating out for every single meal. I’d much rather go broke by buying single-use pairs of socks to wear everyday for the rest of my life. 

Proof I’m Acting Like An Adult 

I do a lot of things that other adults do. I regularly shower and wear clean clothes. I hold down a full time job. I’m responsible enough with my money that I’m not exactly broke. But nothing makes me feel more responsible than doing my dishes. Having a pile of dirty porcelain in your sink just feels childish – more childish than actually doing things that children do. When people come to my apartment and see that none of my dishes are “soaking” in the sink, they know I’ve finally grown up. 

Oddly Meditative 

I’ve tried one of those meditation apps. And by tried, I mean I downloaded the app, immediately opened it, saw that in order to get the full functionality you had to pay for it, immediately closed the app and then left it on my phone for a few more weeks until I finally deleted it. It wasn’t the app’s fault. I know they have to make money. (They’re just not going to get any from me.) But I’d rather practice a form of meditation that benefits me in more than one way. I’d even argue that doing just a little bit of something is a more effective than doing absolutely nothing. The consistent hum of warm water, the repetitive circular hand motions and the satisfaction of removing the food residue that didn’t seem like it could be removed all add up to a soul-satisfying experience that can’t be accomplished in any other way. If chores weren’t meant to be meditative, whoever invented doing the dishes fucked up. (Who invented doing the dishes? Do you think I could find this on Wikipedia? I’m not going to look.) 

Gives Me Good Roommate Points 

No one in my apartment uses the dishes more than anyone else, so the responsibility to clean them is pretty even. But even though it’s not really considered going above and beyond to wash what you used, it’s still a decent way to pick up some points. Just this morning I came out of my room to find that someone had cleaned the entire kitchen (unprompted) the night before. I’m unable to tell if either Al or Andrew did it (they didn’t leave a note, which would have helped but also been incredibly dick-ish), but I already feel better about the dudes I’m living with. Hopefully the next time I do the dishes they’ll feel the same way about me. 

Being Prepared For My Next Meal 

Who among us doesn’t like to have a good meal? And who doesn’t prefer to prepare that meal for themselves from time to time? You know I like to fuck around in the kitchen. But I can’t properly add a bunch of different spices that don’t mix well to a chicken breast if my kitchen is already clean. If I have to do the dishes before I start cooking, I probably won’t start cooking. (That’s just too much time to wait before eating.) Being prepared to prepare your next meal is almost as important as knowing what to prepare. 

There’s got to be one thing you don’t like about doing the dishes. 

Hot Water Hurts My Delicate Little Hands 

Even though I spend a lot of my time actively pretending to be tough, I am in fact not tough. (Big shocker, I know. I’m sorry I had to drop it in a blog post like this.) So every time I do the dishes, I have to keep the water temperature at a manageable lukewarm so I don’t get burned. It’s been suggested that I wear rubber gloves while doing the dishes to protect myself from the hot water (I heard you, Dana) but rubber gloves are weird. 

Writing this has just inspired me to go clean my kitchen, even though I’m pretty sure it’s already clean. So technically, writing this has inspired me to get my kitchen dirty and then clean it. I hope it does the same to you. I hope my writing has inspired you to finally make your mother proud. But just to be clear, you’ll have to do more than read this horrible blog to achieve motherly satisfaction. Good luck. 

love, 

nicholas