This is highly recommended, a series where I provide a compelling argument for why you should like something that I like.

Dear Reader,

Flying is still fun to me. I know I’m supposed to think it’s a pain in the ass. I’m supposed to hate the hours I spend at the airport. To gripe about exorbitant airport prices. To bitch about getting stuck in the seat next to a person that can’t help but spill into my personal space. I’m supposed to Tweet out all of this bullshit about how much it blows that we’ve reached a level of technological innovation that allows human beings to magically suspend themselves 30,000 feet in the air and get from one place to another so quickly that you barely have time for a drink.

Regardless of flight time, I always try to have one of those drinks. If these people went through all the trouble to put a bar in the sky, I feel like I should patronize it. But I also feel like I shouldn’t have to pay for my drinks, because this pressurized metal tube doesn’t have much in the way of bar perks - no asshole bartenders, no grimy stools, no sticky floors, none of the stuff that really makes a “bar” a “bar”. And since I don’t want to pay, I don’t. I use something else.

I highly recommend using Southwest Airlines Drink Coupons.

Why?

Free Stuff

Pretty obvious. (Listen, I’m more than happy to pay for stuff when I think it deserves to be paid for. There’s a reason I’m both gainfully employed and still in the red.)

Drinking In The Air

I know drinking is technically allowed on airplanes because they’re officially selling drinks, but there’s still something about throwing a few back in a fuselage that feels a little naughty. Maybe it’s because you’re not allowed to drink on most other forms of transportation, at least in most states. (Missouri, where I grew up, is still a pioneer in the “anyone can have an open container as long as it’s not the driver” space.) Plus, if you get really drunk, you could potentially lose track of reality and be unclear on whether or not you’re really flying. How fun!

Wallet Sized

I still remember when, at the very first place I worked as a real adult, I received my first box of business cards on my desk. Finally, a stack of slightly better than average paper embossed with my entry level title that truly proved I had made it. I opened the box. Inside, I found 250 square business cards that did not fit in my wallet. So I did not ever use those business cards. Southwest Airlines Drink Coupons, however, fit nice and snug. 

Being Prepared

It’s really easy to be prepared when things fit nice and snug inside your wallet. I can put Southwest Airlines Drink Coupons in their designated pocket and never have to remove them until absolutely necessary. (A note about Southwest Airlines Drink Coupons and things being “absolutely necessary”: sometimes (many times), the Southwest Airlines flight attendants are nice enough to let the whole “you need to give me some form of payment to get a drink” transaction slide. Sometimes, they just come back with your drink and don’t ask for anything in return. And sometimes (many times), I don’t offer them my Southwest Airlines Drink Coupon. So while yes, Southwest Airlines Drink Coupons are “absolutely necessary” in a hypothetical way, they’re not “absolutely necessary” to get a free drink on a Southwest Airlines flight.) And damn, does it feel good to be prepared.

Feeling Like Part Of A Club

Not everybody has Southwest Airlines Drink Coupons. If they did, it would probably create some sort of market disturbance that lead to them losing their value. (I don’t understand economics.) It makes me feel a little special when I can flex on fellow passengers by flashing my cocktail based opulence.

There’s got to be one thing you don’t like about Southwest Airlines Drink Coupons.

Hard To Come By

You can buy flights. You can even buy points that let you buy flights. But you can’t buy Southwest Airlines Drink Coupons, which I would much rather buy than actual drinks. About once a year, I’ll get an envelope in the mail with five. And that’s it. There’s got to be a black market for them. I’m tempted to join it. Become the ringleader of a gang that hustles Southwest Airlines Drink Coupons. Get a better nickname. (No, you can’t know what mine is.)

Maybe if you got me drunk enough I would tell you what it is. (Probably.) But it costs a lot to get me drunk. I’m honestly surprised this “drink coupon” idea hasn’t transferred over to the traditional bar industry. Then you could save up all of your drink coupons and get me so drunk that I would tell you all five of my nicknames without breaking the bank. But you can’t.

love,

nicholas