This is highly recommended, a series where I provide a compelling argument for why you should like something that I like.

Dear Reader,

I’ve got sensitive feet. If I try to walk anywhere (inside or outside) without any shoes on, there’s a good chance my sensitive feet are going to get hurt. For these sensitive feet, I blame my mother. (She’s really a lovely woman. Don’t let this complaint taint your image of her, but this is definitely her fault.) She made sure that I was ALWAYS wearing shoes, especially when going outside. No barefoot romps through the field behind our house or down the block to play Kick The Can with the older kids who lived on my street that I can no longer remember.  

As a result of that parental guidance (or mandate), I’ve been putting on shoes for quite some time. I’m an expert. And after decades of practice, I’ve realized that there’s only one right way to do it.

I highly recommend putting a shoe on your right foot first.

Why?

Routine

I find comfort in doing the same thing over and over again. And when you live in the Big Apple like I do, (you never know what the city will throw your way, baby!) it’s nice to have something you can count on. No matter what day it is or what I did the night before, I know that I’m going to grab a pair of shoes off a hastily assembled IKEA shelf and put the right one on before the left. And that makes me feel like the day ahead is going to be a good one.

It Slows You Down

Part of my morning routine is moving as slowly as possible. Some people like to sleep in as long as possible and run out the door minutes after throwing off the covers. I like to wake up three hours early and really ease into the day. Look at my phone for 35 minutes. Cook some breakfast. Eat that breakfast, one small bite at a time. Take a shower. Shave. (I know beards are in, but I can’t grow a fucking beard and I’m definitely not mad about it.) Put on my socks. Put on my pants. (If you don’t do socks before pants, I want you to stop reading highly recommended and never come back.) Put on my shirt. Then finally, put a shoe on my right foot. All of this meticulous preparation for the day really puts me in the right headspace to go sit at a desk for eight hours and write emails.

Start The Day Out On The Right Foot

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Fun Icebreaker Fact

I recently started a new job. With starting a new job comes onboarding meetings. With onboarding meetings comes that part where you all go around in a circle and introduce yourself. And with introducing yourself comes the requirement to immediately provide an interesting fact that will be both illuminating about you as a human and funny enough for a chuckle, but not a laugh. (Your icebreaker fact should not result in a full-on laugh. If it does, you’ve set the comedy bar too high on your first day. You will become a “funny person” and be required to provide comedy of a similar quality level throughout the rest of your tenure. Please, don’t be too funny.) “I always put a shoe on my right foot first” hits the sweet spot.

Acknowledge Your Strengths

It’s important to know what you’re good at. And it’s important to understand which side of your body is more capable of completing various physical tasks. (You never know when you’re going to need immediate access to that information.) I denied it for years, but I’ve finally realized that the left side of my body is completely worthless. It does nothing. Putting a shoe on my right foot first pays respect to the foot I get the most use out of.

There’s got to be one thing you don’t like about putting a shoe on your right foot first.

Picking Out Which Shoe To Put On My Right Foot First

That hastily assembled IKEA shelf I mentioned? It’s full of shoes. And the shoes that didn’t fit on the shelf take up a decent amount of space under my bed. But I’m not ashamed of my quantity. It’s just much harder to make a decision when you have so many options. Do I want to wear the kind of basketball shoes that make it evident I’m actually not very good at basketball? Do I want to wear the technical running sneakers with decidedly un-technical Levis jeans just to confuse people? Do I want to wear socks with sandals? Yes, usually.

It took years, but I’m ok with my soft feet. When I decide to pound the pavement in a pair of Birks that place my leg hands in the open air, my feet look good. They look like they’ve been protected just for this moment; they’ve been patiently waiting for their double strap debut.

Not sure if that makes me sound like I’m into feet, but I’m not. I mean feet are fine, it’s just not what gets me going. If it hasn’t become obvious by now, alliteration always activates and arouses me. (I’ll stop writing now.)

love,

nicholas