This is highly recommended, a series where I provide a compelling argument for why you should like something that I like.

Dear Reader,

I still remember eating purely for pleasure. I still remember getting my first car and driving to the gas station within walking distance of my house to buy a giant bag of Gardetto’s Original Recipe Snack Mix and a Coke Icee. I still remember stopping by Sonic before high-school golf practice to scarf down five mozzarella sticks and a massive cherry limeade. I still remember doing all of this and not really getting (that) fat.

I remember this time fondly not just because I loved it, but because I can never (ever) live in that time again. I have to eat the same unhealthy shit everyday just to maintain a weight that by medical standards is still considered obese. But a major part of this diet is something I’m not sure I will ever get tired of.

I highly recommend Success Boil-In-Bag Brown Rice.

Why?

Reasonably Priced

I’ve been to multiple grocery stores in my 26 years of life. And most grocery stores sell Success Boil-In-Bag Brown Rice for $2.49 for a pack of 4. That’s a pretty reasonable price.

Reasonably Attainable

This reasonable price makes Success Boil-In-Bag Brown Rice pretty reasonable to attain. It’s not going to break my budget. And I still haven’t found a grocery store that doesn’t stock it. (Although I have, on several occasions, found that Success Boil-In-Bag Brown Rice was out of stock during a visit to my regular grocery store. I don’t count this against the fine folks at Success, who I assume are probably not responsible for making sure their product ends up on the shelves of the Foodtown on Franklin Ave in Brooklyn. (That Foodtown will not be the subject of a highly recommended.) Or maybe they are? I don’t know how business works.)

Reasonably Healthy

I know that if I were really trying to be healthy, I wouldn’t eat rice at all. I should really just be eating lean meats and vegetables. (Or probably just fruits and vegetables, but that’s a fucking insane thing to ask of somebody.) But I love rice. I love carbs. And if I’m going to consume carbs (I am), brown rice isn’t the worst kind of carb that I can consume.

Reasonably Easy To Make

I don’t know how it could be easier – the instructions are in the fucking name. You boil some fucking water and then you put the fucking bag in the water for ten minutes and then you pull it out and it’s done. (I don’t know why I’m so angry right now.)

Reasonably Satisfying

Since I love rice so much, my bar for rice satisfaction is pretty low. Every time I eat this stuff, I’m reasonably satisfied. It helps sooth my general rice craving and one of the bags generally fills me up.

There’s got to be one thing you don’t like about Success Boil-In-Bag Brown Rice.

Blech

I’m so fucking tired of eating this shit.

At what age will I finally give up and acknowledge that I don’t need to have even just a mediocre body? At what age will I finally tell myself that it’s ok to eat whatever you want because you’re not going to live that long anyway. At what age will I finally tell myself that if a potential mate is turned off by the fact that you have more than 5% body fat, that’s not really a potential mate that you want? At what age will I finally stop eating Success Boil-In-Bag Brown Rice on a regular basis?

Probably around 57? That sounds right.

love,

nicholas