This is highly recommended, a series where I provide a compelling argument for why you should like something that I like.
Dear Reader,
How do you get to where you need to go?
(I promise this isn’t going to be some philosophical bullshit. There is nothing I recommend less than dabbling in philosophical bullshit. Not only is it a giant waste of time, it’s a giant circle jerk. (In theory, circle jerks don’t really sound like a waste of time. But in practice, they are.) I really just wanted to use this time to un-recommend philosophical bullshit. It was only a matter of time before this space was co-opted to complain about something instead of being positive. I would highly recommend complaining, but I feel like that would undermine the original goal of this whole enterprise, which was to try and be more positive. And in my opinion, part of being positive means not engaging in philosophical bullshit. Let’s get back to the show.)
I get where I need to go in a lot of different ways. But I recently tried a new one that has quickly outranked all of the rest.
I highly recommend Amtrak.
Why?
Moving Fast
These fucking tubes of thin metal can go up to 150 fucking miles per hour. Personally, I can only go about 10 miles per hour at my fastest. So I think that’s pretty damn fast. I know there are things that go faster (I’m not an idiot.) (Sometimes.), but I’m still impressed by this amount of speed. And moving that fast is just fun, no matter what you’re moving in.
A View Outside The Window
I’ve expounded on the benefits of looking at things outside the window before, but it’s a completely different experience when you’re moving fast. Old things get blurry and look like new things. Some things you thought you could see you can’t see anymore. When you’re walking somewhere else on the train (recommended), it’s like being drunk at the MOMA while examining Van Gogh – everything is blurry and you’re having a hard time standing up. But unlike a plane, there’s actually shit to look at. On the Northeast Regional, you pass small towns, big towns, coastal towns, brown towns, loud towns and towns I can barely remember because I definitely browned out (I’ll get to the Cafe Car later). If my legs weren’t so goddamn long, I would have sat in the window seat. But if my legs weren’t so goddamn long, I wouldn’t be tall. A real Catch-22.
The Cafe Car
Imagine a place where you can buy pizza, snacks (!), hot dogs, sandwiches (different from hot dogs) and booze. Now imagine that place is moving over 150 miles per hour on rails. And then imagine that while you’re purchasing what you want (probably snacks, in my case) the place DOES NOT STOP MOVING. Technology is incredible. The only technology that is more incredible is the technology that allows me to write highly recommended for you every week.
Free WiFi
I realize this is a pretty common amenity by now. But if you take one of metal tubes that flies instead of a metal tube that glides on rails, you have to pay to get connected. It’s bullshit. I shouldn’t ever have to pay to make sure I’m up to date on the types of content the teens are producing. In fact, I should get paid to make sure I’m up to date on the types of content the teens are producing. Who else is going to do it?
Feeling Antiquated But With Access To Modern Convenience
Trains are old. People have been riding the rails long before I was ever literally and figuratively conceived. So when I step on board and hear that whistle blow, I feel like I’m transported back multiple centuries. (I’m not one of those “I was born in the wrong decade” people, but there are definitely a few things during peak train periods that I’m bummed I missed out on.) But I’m immediately taken out of the 1800’s when I pop in my AirPods and listen to my favorite podcast for hours on end. (I’m not going to tell you what my favorite podcast is. But you should put your guess in the comments section below!) Nothing like having the best of both worlds, baby!
There’s got to be one thing you don’t like about Amtrak.
A Non-Leisurely Boarding Process
Planes definitely take too long. But when you’re asked to board a train, you better fucking board: if you’re not on within five minutes after it pulls into the station, that train is leaving without you. I’m generally a slow person who likes to mosey about until they find somewhere that’s comfortable. (I’m like those dogs that walk around in circles for five minutes before finally decided to lay down.) Amtrak is not for mosey-ers. (And no, I did not find that out the hard way.)
Remember when I said this wasn’t going to be some philosophical bullshit? Was I right? Or was I totally right?
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the parallels – both philosophers and I have a passion for spending hours thinking about things that have very little real world application. But at least I can acknowledge it. And I can promise you this: as long as I’m writing highly recommended, I will never write a blog that actually makes you think.
love,
nicholas